Monday, May 28, 2012
Monday, May 23, 2011
You want me to do WHAT???
This is what ran through my head when God clearly spoke to me about Forgiveness.
In my teen years i had a "friend" who looking back now I can see was obviously not a good friend but in my desire to have anyone like me I blindly entered into this friendship for all the wrong reasons. Im not going to go into too much detail but over the years she betrayed me in the worst way. My heart was completely shattered by her actions and even more by the friendly words she had previously spoken to me. Broken trust, broken heart.
She continued to "show up" in my life off and on for years. I always had a nagging thought of When will she show up again? I was living in fear of the hurt she had caused me. She had an emotional hold on me that was not healthy. For about 10 years I hadn't heard from her but every once in a while I would wonder "when'?
Then one day a few years ago I was on a social networking site and what do you know? Yep! You guessed it the friend request right there in front of my eyes! I'd like to say that after 10 years i was over the hurt and betrayal but my actions showed the truth. I immediately got mad, my heart started racing, a few choice words came rather loudly out of my mouth. If I could i would have hit her! (im not proud of that feeling but it's the truth). Then... ALL of the emotions came back. The fear, the heartache, the mistrust. I was taken right back to those horrible years in High school...
So now what Lord? Why now? I thought I was over this! I took a moment to get my composure and i prayed and then I wrote her a message. I told her how I felt and asked what she wanted form me. I told her how she had hurt me so badly and I had just realized it was still an issue in my heart. I wished her well and thought that was that. Well God made it very clear to me that He wasn't done." Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know Lord but i just don't think I can, Look what she's done to me! "Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know maybe one day, i need more time. " Valerie... Ok ok....
So I did it i told her I forgave her for all the hurt she caused, that I hope she'd have a great life and so on... In my mind thinking I'll NEVER trust her, I hope I NEVER have to see her, still felling threatened by her... but thinking I was forgiving her.
"Valerie, I WANT you to forgive her AND be here friend"
you want me to WHATTTTT??? Im sure you can imagine the conversation I had with God about that but what it came down to is God didn't want to hear the excuses, He knew what she did, He saw the tears I had cried, He saw my hurts and fears. He also saw the future and wanted me to TRUST Him. I wrestled with this for a few months and I can remember clearly one day while I was in the shower bawling my eyes out God said to me
" Valerie, you do what I say and I'll take care of the rest, You don't have to worry about her intentions, you don't have to over analyze, you don't have to worry at all, just do what I say." So in that moment i literally handed it all to God and said ok. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
You would think after that moment with God it was going to be easy but it wasn't. My friends thought I was crazy, my husband thought I was crazy, a few times I even thought I was crazy but God continued to confirm His words to me over and over... I am with you, I am in control, it's going to be ok. It took some time allowing God into the DEEPEST pains in my heart, it took some tears with "her" it took to deep discussions but I can honestly now say SHE is my friend. We have often talked on the phone for hours, We were able to visit each other and talked for hours, we've laughed together, prayed for each other, sent each other gifts. I can sincerely say I love her with my whole heart! I care about her and her hurts. I see the pain she has experienced in life and I came to the realization that EVERYONE deserves forgiveness! She is a beautiful person and I wish I would have truly forgiven her sooner. I can also say because I forgave her a lot of my insecurities that I had been dealing with went away. God was able to heal that part of my life. He was able to heal it because I listened to Him and trusted Him. All He wanted was for me to forgive He did the rest...
So my question to you is... What unforgiveness are you holding on to that God has asked you to let go of? There are so many things that God wants us to let go of, not because He wants to take things and make us miserable but because He loves us more than we can even comprehend and He sees what's just beyond whatever it is were holding on to. It truly is freeing to let go and move on. God can heal an extremely wounded heart if we allow Him to. I believe we all have unforgiveness we've been holding on to for far too long. Take the step of faith and let it go. Let God work in you and see what happens. Unforgiveness is like poison it rots away at our heart and causes us to not only be hard hearted but very insecure.. I Know I've been there... If God can do what He did in my situation He can do it for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to become friends or even have a relationship, you have to use wisdom in this are but God will direct you if you ask <3
I found this next part in a book and thought it fits perfectly...
In my teen years i had a "friend" who looking back now I can see was obviously not a good friend but in my desire to have anyone like me I blindly entered into this friendship for all the wrong reasons. Im not going to go into too much detail but over the years she betrayed me in the worst way. My heart was completely shattered by her actions and even more by the friendly words she had previously spoken to me. Broken trust, broken heart.
She continued to "show up" in my life off and on for years. I always had a nagging thought of When will she show up again? I was living in fear of the hurt she had caused me. She had an emotional hold on me that was not healthy. For about 10 years I hadn't heard from her but every once in a while I would wonder "when'?
Then one day a few years ago I was on a social networking site and what do you know? Yep! You guessed it the friend request right there in front of my eyes! I'd like to say that after 10 years i was over the hurt and betrayal but my actions showed the truth. I immediately got mad, my heart started racing, a few choice words came rather loudly out of my mouth. If I could i would have hit her! (im not proud of that feeling but it's the truth). Then... ALL of the emotions came back. The fear, the heartache, the mistrust. I was taken right back to those horrible years in High school...
So now what Lord? Why now? I thought I was over this! I took a moment to get my composure and i prayed and then I wrote her a message. I told her how I felt and asked what she wanted form me. I told her how she had hurt me so badly and I had just realized it was still an issue in my heart. I wished her well and thought that was that. Well God made it very clear to me that He wasn't done." Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know Lord but i just don't think I can, Look what she's done to me! "Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know maybe one day, i need more time. " Valerie... Ok ok....
So I did it i told her I forgave her for all the hurt she caused, that I hope she'd have a great life and so on... In my mind thinking I'll NEVER trust her, I hope I NEVER have to see her, still felling threatened by her... but thinking I was forgiving her.
"Valerie, I WANT you to forgive her AND be here friend"
you want me to WHATTTTT??? Im sure you can imagine the conversation I had with God about that but what it came down to is God didn't want to hear the excuses, He knew what she did, He saw the tears I had cried, He saw my hurts and fears. He also saw the future and wanted me to TRUST Him. I wrestled with this for a few months and I can remember clearly one day while I was in the shower bawling my eyes out God said to me
" Valerie, you do what I say and I'll take care of the rest, You don't have to worry about her intentions, you don't have to over analyze, you don't have to worry at all, just do what I say." So in that moment i literally handed it all to God and said ok. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
You would think after that moment with God it was going to be easy but it wasn't. My friends thought I was crazy, my husband thought I was crazy, a few times I even thought I was crazy but God continued to confirm His words to me over and over... I am with you, I am in control, it's going to be ok. It took some time allowing God into the DEEPEST pains in my heart, it took some tears with "her" it took to deep discussions but I can honestly now say SHE is my friend. We have often talked on the phone for hours, We were able to visit each other and talked for hours, we've laughed together, prayed for each other, sent each other gifts. I can sincerely say I love her with my whole heart! I care about her and her hurts. I see the pain she has experienced in life and I came to the realization that EVERYONE deserves forgiveness! She is a beautiful person and I wish I would have truly forgiven her sooner. I can also say because I forgave her a lot of my insecurities that I had been dealing with went away. God was able to heal that part of my life. He was able to heal it because I listened to Him and trusted Him. All He wanted was for me to forgive He did the rest...
So my question to you is... What unforgiveness are you holding on to that God has asked you to let go of? There are so many things that God wants us to let go of, not because He wants to take things and make us miserable but because He loves us more than we can even comprehend and He sees what's just beyond whatever it is were holding on to. It truly is freeing to let go and move on. God can heal an extremely wounded heart if we allow Him to. I believe we all have unforgiveness we've been holding on to for far too long. Take the step of faith and let it go. Let God work in you and see what happens. Unforgiveness is like poison it rots away at our heart and causes us to not only be hard hearted but very insecure.. I Know I've been there... If God can do what He did in my situation He can do it for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to become friends or even have a relationship, you have to use wisdom in this are but God will direct you if you ask <3
I found this next part in a book and thought it fits perfectly...
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Have you ever found yourself making (or thinking) any of the following statements? As you work through this exercise, consider how God may want to adjust your thinking as it relates to the issue of forgiveness.
1. “There’s no unforgiveness in my heart.”
Do you still feel angry at the person who hurt you? Do you have a secret desire to see them pay for what they did to you? Do you find yourself telling others how they hurt you?If you answered yes to any of those questions, it’s an indication you have not fully forgiven one or more people who have sinned against you.
2. “There’s no way I could ever forgive [person] for [offense]. He (she) hurt me too deeply.”
How has God dealt with us who have sinned against Him so greatly? (See Ephesians 2:4–5; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 10:17; Micah 7:18–19.)How does the New Testament command us to respond to those who wrong us? (See Luke 6:27; Luke 17:3–4; Romans 12:17–21.)
3. “They don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
What did we do to earn or deserve God’s forgiveness? (See Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:4–9).
4. “If I forgive them, they’re off the hook!”
Letting the offender off your hook does not mean they are off God’s hook. Forgiveness involves transferring the prisoner over to the One who is responsible for meting out justice. It relieves us of the burden and responsibility to hold them in prison ourselves.
5. “I’ve forgiven them, but I’ll never be able to forget what they did to me.”
When God forgives us, what does He promise to do? (See Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17; Psalm 103:12.)
God does not ask us to forget the wrong that has been done to us, but simply toforgive. However, the attitude of our heart, when we think of the offense, can be an indicator of whether or not we have truly forgiven.
6. “I believe I have forgiven, but I still struggle with feelings of hurt.”
What must we be willing to do in addition to forgiving those who sin against us? (See Luke 6:27–31; Romans 12:17–21.)The act of forgiveness is only the starting place for dealing with those who wrong us. It must be followed by a commitment to “return good for evil.” This investment is the key to experiencing emotional healing and wholeness. In situations where it is not possible or appropriate to rebuild the relationship with an individual, we can still invest in their life through prayer.
7. “I won’t forgive!”
Ultimately, forgiveness comes down to a choice. It is a choice that God both commands and enables. But some simply refuse to make that choice.What can we expect if we refuse to forgive those who sin against us? (See Matthew 6:14–15; Matthew 18:32–35; 2 Corinthians 2:10–11).
Choosing the pathway of forgiveness can be extremely difficult. You may have been sinned against in ways that have caused enormous pain and consequences in your life. Just reading this may be opening up some wounds or memories you’d just as soon not face. Be assured that if you are willing to walk into the pain, God will go there with you. Hard as it may be to forgive those who have sinned against you, you will experience great freedom as you choose to obey God, by His grace.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Heartache of Rejection
Heartache of Rejection
Abandoned by a parent, neglected, alone most of your childhood, betrayed by a boyfriend, lied to, your "best friend" no longer wants the friendship, your husband is no longer interested....
The list can go on and on. If you're human you've felt the heartache of rejection at some point in your life. It causes your heart to literally ache, you start to feel insignificant, you start to question if you even matter. Your entire person is attacked by the overwhelming feeling of insecurity and heartache. You wonder "what's the point of all this?" For a moment you could even feel like ending it all because the pain is just too much!
As a child we trust that our parents will take care of us because that's their job! When this trust is broken insecurity creeps in. We've been rejected. When a parent decides to leave the home because of divorce insecurity creeps in. We've been rejected. As a young teenager you hope that the person who has caught your attention won't break your heart but when they do insecurity creeps in.
We've been rejected...
As I look around the world today it's pretty easy to see the pain of hurt and rejection coming from people's lives. They are mean, hurtful, insecure, obsessed with looks, easily taken advantage of, workaholic's, alcoholics', drug addicts..... this is what happens when we don't allow God to heal our wounds. We become an open wound bleeding on everyone we come into contact with. God has a very special plan for each of us and HE can take our rejection and hurt and use it for His glory. He can take the non-sense of our messy lives and have it make sense. He can take our heartache and turn into a beautiful love story.
So why are we living in defeat? I think most of us don't want to give Him our hurts because it means forgiveness, it means letting go, and lets admit it it most of us are not big fans of either one. It means trusting God with our emotions enough to say " Im ready to move on and heal and move into the freedom you have for me". It may even mean some work on our part. God wants to heal us so that we can have an abundant life with Him...
God never rejects a weak and weary heart that seeks Him. No matter how broken-down and overwhelmed we are, God welcomes us and is willing and able to help us.
Isaiah 61- "The Sovereign Lord has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort all those who mourn...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
God says that, through His Son, He wants to unleash in your soul healing for the pain of your past, a freedom from the darkness that has brought you down. He wants to turn what's been something ugly into something beautiful and something life-giving.
We don't have to live with the heartache of rejection. Right now, right in this moment you can give your pain to God. He'll gladly take it. Allow yourself to be free, to love and to trust again. Most of all allow God to use your hurt to make you a strong witness for the Lord so that your "mess" can become a "message" of hope for all the other hurting people in the world.
Once we've given God our pain and rejection we can begin to live a life of security! A life that when people are mean, because they will be , or a husband leaves, or a job is lost or a friend is no longer, our world won't be turned upside down because our hope in fully in God and not people. When God is the sole source of our security nothing can shake us and that is where God wants us. He wants us to trust HIM... He wants our trust in him because he knows that when we trust in people too much it will lead to heartache. God's desires for us are not for His own good they are for ours. Let's take the time to get to know Him by reading His word and taking to Him so that we can begin to live the life He has planned for us since before we were even born.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Jesus came that we might experience life "to the fullest".
Abandoned by a parent, neglected, alone most of your childhood, betrayed by a boyfriend, lied to, your "best friend" no longer wants the friendship, your husband is no longer interested....
The list can go on and on. If you're human you've felt the heartache of rejection at some point in your life. It causes your heart to literally ache, you start to feel insignificant, you start to question if you even matter. Your entire person is attacked by the overwhelming feeling of insecurity and heartache. You wonder "what's the point of all this?" For a moment you could even feel like ending it all because the pain is just too much!
As a child we trust that our parents will take care of us because that's their job! When this trust is broken insecurity creeps in. We've been rejected. When a parent decides to leave the home because of divorce insecurity creeps in. We've been rejected. As a young teenager you hope that the person who has caught your attention won't break your heart but when they do insecurity creeps in.
We've been rejected...
As I look around the world today it's pretty easy to see the pain of hurt and rejection coming from people's lives. They are mean, hurtful, insecure, obsessed with looks, easily taken advantage of, workaholic's, alcoholics', drug addicts..... this is what happens when we don't allow God to heal our wounds. We become an open wound bleeding on everyone we come into contact with. God has a very special plan for each of us and HE can take our rejection and hurt and use it for His glory. He can take the non-sense of our messy lives and have it make sense. He can take our heartache and turn into a beautiful love story.
So why are we living in defeat? I think most of us don't want to give Him our hurts because it means forgiveness, it means letting go, and lets admit it it most of us are not big fans of either one. It means trusting God with our emotions enough to say " Im ready to move on and heal and move into the freedom you have for me". It may even mean some work on our part. God wants to heal us so that we can have an abundant life with Him...
God never rejects a weak and weary heart that seeks Him. No matter how broken-down and overwhelmed we are, God welcomes us and is willing and able to help us.
Isaiah 61- "The Sovereign Lord has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort all those who mourn...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
God says that, through His Son, He wants to unleash in your soul healing for the pain of your past, a freedom from the darkness that has brought you down. He wants to turn what's been something ugly into something beautiful and something life-giving.
We don't have to live with the heartache of rejection. Right now, right in this moment you can give your pain to God. He'll gladly take it. Allow yourself to be free, to love and to trust again. Most of all allow God to use your hurt to make you a strong witness for the Lord so that your "mess" can become a "message" of hope for all the other hurting people in the world.
Once we've given God our pain and rejection we can begin to live a life of security! A life that when people are mean, because they will be , or a husband leaves, or a job is lost or a friend is no longer, our world won't be turned upside down because our hope in fully in God and not people. When God is the sole source of our security nothing can shake us and that is where God wants us. He wants us to trust HIM... He wants our trust in him because he knows that when we trust in people too much it will lead to heartache. God's desires for us are not for His own good they are for ours. Let's take the time to get to know Him by reading His word and taking to Him so that we can begin to live the life He has planned for us since before we were even born.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Jesus came that we might experience life "to the fullest".
Monday, December 27, 2010
There's a time for everything...
When God wants to make changes in our lives He starts by cutting away all that is unnecessary. During this time He will strip us of everything that could possibly hinder our future growth. He may even prune us of our dreams just for a time to make sure our eyes are on Him and not on what we desire.
This time our life may look barren and even feel lonely but He is actually freeing us from ANYTHING that does not bring of forth life! This process of surrendering all to God is called pruning. It is during this time that you may feel hopeless or that God has left you. It may leave you asking Him WHY?
I've been in a state of pruning for about 2 years now and let me tell you it has been the HARDEST 2 years of my life... I've lost friends, family, a job, money the list goes on and on SO many things have changed it's almost like a big joke! I have to laugh sometimes :) In the midst of all the heartache and loss I was still able to feel God's presence and hear Him telling me to trust Him. Some days were easier than others, some days I didn't want to get out of bed! God has taught me a lot these 2 years, how to completely trust ONLY Him in EVERYTHING, to go to Him first and my husband or friends second, to be in my word DAILY, to see thing through God's perspective and no one else's... I've learned that God's time of pruning is a time of learning, hard learning!It's a time of fully trusting Him and what He has planned for me. It's an experience I am still going through but one thing I can tell you is I know when He is done with me I will be like a strong tree planted by the water.
They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8
 |
| This is where I hope to be planted :) |
I pray that anyone who is going through a time of pruning will cling to God and allow Him to work... He is amazing and His plans are beyond our comprehension... TRUST HIM...
Friday, December 17, 2010
It's Christmas vacation....
I have a friend who turned me on to blogging and I've always wanted to join in the fun but never knew what to possibly say.... Well I've decided Im just going to start. So now that it's officially Christmas vacation I figured Why not? Why not add to the craziness of baking, shopping, wrapping presents, cooking etc... So here i am. My plan is to blog daily about what is happening around our home and let's just see what happens :) So welcome to my blog hopefully it will be interesting or at least funny at times...
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