In my teen years i had a "friend" who looking back now I can see was obviously not a good friend but in my desire to have anyone like me I blindly entered into this friendship for all the wrong reasons. Im not going to go into too much detail but over the years she betrayed me in the worst way. My heart was completely shattered by her actions and even more by the friendly words she had previously spoken to me. Broken trust, broken heart.
She continued to "show up" in my life off and on for years. I always had a nagging thought of When will she show up again? I was living in fear of the hurt she had caused me. She had an emotional hold on me that was not healthy. For about 10 years I hadn't heard from her but every once in a while I would wonder "when'?
Then one day a few years ago I was on a social networking site and what do you know? Yep! You guessed it the friend request right there in front of my eyes! I'd like to say that after 10 years i was over the hurt and betrayal but my actions showed the truth. I immediately got mad, my heart started racing, a few choice words came rather loudly out of my mouth. If I could i would have hit her! (im not proud of that feeling but it's the truth). Then... ALL of the emotions came back. The fear, the heartache, the mistrust. I was taken right back to those horrible years in High school...
So now what Lord? Why now? I thought I was over this! I took a moment to get my composure and i prayed and then I wrote her a message. I told her how I felt and asked what she wanted form me. I told her how she had hurt me so badly and I had just realized it was still an issue in my heart. I wished her well and thought that was that. Well God made it very clear to me that He wasn't done." Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know Lord but i just don't think I can, Look what she's done to me! "Valerie, I want you to forgive her" I know maybe one day, i need more time. " Valerie... Ok ok....
So I did it i told her I forgave her for all the hurt she caused, that I hope she'd have a great life and so on... In my mind thinking I'll NEVER trust her, I hope I NEVER have to see her, still felling threatened by her... but thinking I was forgiving her.
"Valerie, I WANT you to forgive her AND be here friend"
you want me to WHATTTTT??? Im sure you can imagine the conversation I had with God about that but what it came down to is God didn't want to hear the excuses, He knew what she did, He saw the tears I had cried, He saw my hurts and fears. He also saw the future and wanted me to TRUST Him. I wrestled with this for a few months and I can remember clearly one day while I was in the shower bawling my eyes out God said to me
" Valerie, you do what I say and I'll take care of the rest, You don't have to worry about her intentions, you don't have to over analyze, you don't have to worry at all, just do what I say." So in that moment i literally handed it all to God and said ok. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
You would think after that moment with God it was going to be easy but it wasn't. My friends thought I was crazy, my husband thought I was crazy, a few times I even thought I was crazy but God continued to confirm His words to me over and over... I am with you, I am in control, it's going to be ok. It took some time allowing God into the DEEPEST pains in my heart, it took some tears with "her" it took to deep discussions but I can honestly now say SHE is my friend. We have often talked on the phone for hours, We were able to visit each other and talked for hours, we've laughed together, prayed for each other, sent each other gifts. I can sincerely say I love her with my whole heart! I care about her and her hurts. I see the pain she has experienced in life and I came to the realization that EVERYONE deserves forgiveness! She is a beautiful person and I wish I would have truly forgiven her sooner. I can also say because I forgave her a lot of my insecurities that I had been dealing with went away. God was able to heal that part of my life. He was able to heal it because I listened to Him and trusted Him. All He wanted was for me to forgive He did the rest...
So my question to you is... What unforgiveness are you holding on to that God has asked you to let go of? There are so many things that God wants us to let go of, not because He wants to take things and make us miserable but because He loves us more than we can even comprehend and He sees what's just beyond whatever it is were holding on to. It truly is freeing to let go and move on. God can heal an extremely wounded heart if we allow Him to. I believe we all have unforgiveness we've been holding on to for far too long. Take the step of faith and let it go. Let God work in you and see what happens. Unforgiveness is like poison it rots away at our heart and causes us to not only be hard hearted but very insecure.. I Know I've been there... If God can do what He did in my situation He can do it for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to become friends or even have a relationship, you have to use wisdom in this are but God will direct you if you ask <3
I found this next part in a book and thought it fits perfectly...
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Have you ever found yourself making (or thinking) any of the following statements? As you work through this exercise, consider how God may want to adjust your thinking as it relates to the issue of forgiveness.
1. “There’s no unforgiveness in my heart.”
Do you still feel angry at the person who hurt you? Do you have a secret desire to see them pay for what they did to you? Do you find yourself telling others how they hurt you?If you answered yes to any of those questions, it’s an indication you have not fully forgiven one or more people who have sinned against you.
2. “There’s no way I could ever forgive [person] for [offense]. He (she) hurt me too deeply.”
How has God dealt with us who have sinned against Him so greatly? (See Ephesians 2:4–5; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 10:17; Micah 7:18–19.)How does the New Testament command us to respond to those who wrong us? (See Luke 6:27; Luke 17:3–4; Romans 12:17–21.)
3. “They don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
What did we do to earn or deserve God’s forgiveness? (See Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:4–9).
4. “If I forgive them, they’re off the hook!”
Letting the offender off your hook does not mean they are off God’s hook. Forgiveness involves transferring the prisoner over to the One who is responsible for meting out justice. It relieves us of the burden and responsibility to hold them in prison ourselves.
5. “I’ve forgiven them, but I’ll never be able to forget what they did to me.”
When God forgives us, what does He promise to do? (See Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17; Psalm 103:12.)
God does not ask us to forget the wrong that has been done to us, but simply toforgive. However, the attitude of our heart, when we think of the offense, can be an indicator of whether or not we have truly forgiven.
6. “I believe I have forgiven, but I still struggle with feelings of hurt.”
What must we be willing to do in addition to forgiving those who sin against us? (See Luke 6:27–31; Romans 12:17–21.)The act of forgiveness is only the starting place for dealing with those who wrong us. It must be followed by a commitment to “return good for evil.” This investment is the key to experiencing emotional healing and wholeness. In situations where it is not possible or appropriate to rebuild the relationship with an individual, we can still invest in their life through prayer.
7. “I won’t forgive!”
Ultimately, forgiveness comes down to a choice. It is a choice that God both commands and enables. But some simply refuse to make that choice.What can we expect if we refuse to forgive those who sin against us? (See Matthew 6:14–15; Matthew 18:32–35; 2 Corinthians 2:10–11).
Choosing the pathway of forgiveness can be extremely difficult. You may have been sinned against in ways that have caused enormous pain and consequences in your life. Just reading this may be opening up some wounds or memories you’d just as soon not face. Be assured that if you are willing to walk into the pain, God will go there with you. Hard as it may be to forgive those who have sinned against you, you will experience great freedom as you choose to obey God, by His grace.
